Be Like the Violet

What is it about holding a grudge that feels so satisfying? Someone does something to us that we take issue with, and then we proceed to let it fester within us forevermore. We take this resentment, cozily nestling it into some place in our being, and just leave it there. Somehow, we believe that clinging to this anger is benefiting us. Even the thought of forgiving the person who wronged us causes us to dig our heels in and re-up our anger and resentment to even higher levels.

Buddha said, "holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." Often, the object of our indignation doesn't even know that we feel as we do. Intellectually, we know without a doubt that bittnerness can cause all sorts of illnesses and maladies in our bodies. Yet, millions of people wake each day carrying this burden around everywhere they go. So why do we behave in such a damaging way when we know better?

Upon being hurt, insulted or wronged in some way, most people immediately turn the blame on the perpetrator. We convince ourselves that it is the other person's words or actions that has caused the negative emotions to take hold of us. It becomes our firm belief that had that thing not been done or said to us, we wound not be experiencing any of the dreadful feelings. But this is false.

One universal truth is that our thoughts create our reality. In the words of Bruce Lee, "as you think, so you shall become."This may sound crazy to you, but if you test it out you will find it to be true without exception. " Nobody can hurt us without our permission, therefore, if we get our feelings hurt, it is completely on us. If someone criticizes you in any way, it does not make what they said true; what makes it sting is when we believe that what they said is true. It is the meaning we place on it with our thoughts that is the real instigator. If you were told that you are stupid, mean and ugly, the only way that could ever harm you is if you attach yourself to those ideas and internalize them. Imagine how different you would feel if you refused to believe those words. The beauty of this is when you realize that you are always in control of your life and your emotions. You never have to give away your power.

So let's get back to forgiveness and why it is so important. What many people tend to get confused about is that forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook for their actions. It may be absolutely true that the deed that was done to you was horrible, but you need to understand that the weight of that lies solely on the person it came from...it has nothing to do with you. You make it about you only when you decide to personalize it. The action or harsh words are a direct reflection of the internal state of the offender. It does not and should not affect your internal state at all; if it does, then you have some work you need to attend to.

Mark Twain once said so eloquently "forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." The flower doesn't hold a grudge against the person who destroyed it. Instead, it shares its delicious scent with the culprit as it would with the person who treated it with the utmost care. It only knows to show love...we could learn from the violet.

Forgiveness, in a nutshell, sets you free. It allows the hardness of your heart to soften which only serves to increase the abundance in your own life. When you let the anger and despair infect your inner being, it holds you back from experiencing the true joy that you deserve. You don't have to like what happened, you just have to keep it from impeding your own growth and happiness. As so many great thinkers have stated, "don't drink the poison and expect it to kill someone else." Take control of your thoughts, and watch your world improve beyond measure.