Can There Be Forgiveness for the Unforgivables?

If you have been a victim of just about anything in life, there is a group for you. A simple Google search will yield hundreds of support services, therapies and community groups to aid you in your quest for freedom from your pain. People will contort themselves to offer love and comfort to those who have gone through unimaginable traumas, and for this I am grateful. Countless humans walk around daily with unbearable pain and I hope that at some point, they can all find solace that will lead to healing.

But there is another group of people in society who seem to go unnoticed. Please bear with me, as this may sound a bit controversial at first. I am speaking of the perpetrators among us. From the convict, to the abusers to those who just made bad choices that negatively affected others, this segment of society also suffers untold pain. How do I know? I am one of them.

Please don't jump to the conclusion that I am writing this to garner sympathy or to make any kind of excuses for my own behavior or that of anyone else. I truly believe in taking 100% responsibility for our actions in life, and those who know me can attest to the fact that I have done this repeatedly. My choices in life have been my choices, however, there is no truer statement than this...hurt people, hurt people.

More times than not, patterns, good or bad, get repeated in life and often this happens quite unconsciously. We may have the best of intentions, I know I did, but sometimes the floodgates just open and we get washed downstream without the ability to stop the flow. This is impossible to explain to anyone who has never reached the dark, desperate place that some of us have encountered, but it is very real and extremely scary. Again, you may think that I am attempting to make excuses, but I am simply trying to describe what it feels like when you lose control of your mind.

Our society is very quick to judge anyone who has caused harm to another as evil and has no issue with throwing these people away. Even when criminals have served their time, our culture makes it nearly impossible for them to fully integrate back into society without constantly being reminded of their transgressions. Though I have never robbed, murdered or physically abused anyone, I have my own issues with reintegrating into the world after my wrongdoing. I fully understand the gut-wrenching guilt that comes along with having hurt another human being, and the constant reminders that make it difficult to progress.

For the last eight years, I have done my best to make amends for my offenses. Those I have hurt say they have forgiven me and I believe them, though that does not end the pain. Though perpetrators are depicted as cold-hearted, hateful, less-than-human monsters, many of us are good people who are suffering greatly. We can become our own worst enemies who are unable to forgive ourselves, just trying to get through each day without hating every fiber of our beings.  Not one single day goes by that is not plagued by regret and horrendous pain. We feel undeserving of forgiveness, and certainly shun the possibility of happiness.  I can only for certain speak for myself, but I feel sure that if I am in this place, many others are as well.

So again I ask...where is the help for the perpetrators? Where are the loving, outstretched arms reaching for those who have done wrong, but who are desperately sorry and want to move on? When is society going to understand that all people who do harmful things are not horrible misfits who should be cast to the garbage heap? Where is the compassion for those who hurt people because they were hurt themselves? (Again, not an excuse...just the truth.) This world is replete with pain and heartbreak. The only response to this is love...and not just directed towards the victims among us. It is what the planet needs more than anything.