What Can We Learn From Holey Shoes?

What would we be without our stories? We are so used to them; we wear them like a comfortable, worn-in pair of shoes. We put them on every day without even thinking about it. We walk for miles in them, through the grass and dirt, over rough terrain, we slosh in puddles, up and down hills and on hot pavement. These shoes serve us well for a time, but one day we notice that the support is not as sturdy as it once was, and if we continue to wear them they will inevitably develop holes. We may notice that our feet are sore at the end of the day, and we may begin to feel water seep in through the tattered areas where fabric once protected us from the elements. It finally occurs to us that we are in need of new shoes.

So how does this relate back to our stories? As we go through life, our experiences shape our thinking. Everything that we do or is done to us gets filed away under "the story of my life." We add to it daily, but very rarely stop to examine the information that is contained in these files. As the days and years pass, the story expands and takes various twists and turns. Because we do all of this quite unconsciously, whatever meaning we assign to the events in "our story" tends to remain, and though we have the ability to alter it, we rarely hit the delete key. Just as we can tolerate the holey shoes for a period of time, there comes a point when we must trade in our old stories for different ones if our lives are to improve.

Human nature usually directs us towards viewing our stories from a negative point of view. It is far easier, especially if we are not in a place that satisfies us, to assign blame to our story for what has manifested in our lives, than to analyze our story for snafus that might actually be keeping us stuck. Until of course, something occurs that makes us take notice. Just like with the dilapidated shoes that force us to wake up when our feet are soaking wet, we come upon situations in life that do not allow us to ignore reality anymore. Many people refer to this place as rock bottom. I know all about this place...I have been there.

When you find yourself visiting this most unwelcome of destinations, you essentially have two choices; you can either stick your head in the sand, pretend you have no control and remain in despair, or you can take a good, hard look at your story. It is my contention that if you do the latter, you will discover a whole host of ways that this story led you directly to your current state of affairs. It is at this point that the greatest service you can do for your life, is to change your story.

At first, this may seem like an impossible task, after all, you have been developing this story for many years. In my case, it was well over 40 years that I had been filling up my files with all sorts of ideas and beliefs. I truly thought with every fiber of my being, that I was my story and I was destined for dire circumstances as a result.

Just for the sake of example, one of my stories revolved around my parents' divorce when I was six years old. Though my rational mind knew that this had nothing whatsoever to do with me, my story did not agree. For years this played out as a feeling that there was something wrong with me. This belief revealed itself as low-self esteem for most of my life. This story built on itself for years exhibiting in a lack of confidence and courage to go after the things that were important to me. It also presented as a feeling of being unlovable, which set me on a multi-decade quest to capture this love I felt I was lacking. Each time I did not obtain a job that I desired, or a relationship did not work out as I had hoped, this story grew in scope. I was continuously adding to the file marked "things that go wrong in my life that I have no control of because of my parents' divorce."

This sounds ridiculous to me now having examined these beliefs in great detail, but at the time, it was my reality. The way the universe works, we attract to us exactly what we expect. When we come from a vibrational place of lack and misery, the world answers our call and hands us more lack and misery. By placing our focus and attention on the negative thoughts and beliefs, we are creating a prime space for the universe to meet us exactly where we are at. It is impossible to attract to your life anything different than what you believe is possible. That is precisely where the saying "when it rains, it pours" comes from. If we continue to believe that our world will be dark and gloomy, you have no choice but to receive more of that. This is what the law of attraction is all about; what you attune to, you will create more of.

Studies have been conducted with people who have received terminal cancer diagnoses. What was found is that there is a distinct difference in outcome between those who became depressed and hopeless and those who make a decision to beat the disease. Those whose story contained the belief that they could not get well, typically succumbed to their disease. Those who refused to accept that they would expire had a far greater degree of eradicating the illness from their bodies. A simple adjustment in attitude can completely turn any situation around. The trick, however, is that you truly have to feel in your core the truth of your new belief. It is not enough to just say that you are going to change your situation, you have to live your life as though the shift has already happened. I used the word "simple," and for most of us who have not practiced this type of thinking, that may sound lofty, but it does get easier with practice.

I am certainly still learning to examine my story and alter my thinking, though I am far more aware when my story begins to take over than in the past when I let it consume and control my life. A recent example involves a family member with whom I have had a rocky history. Though tumultuous at times, we have reached a place where forgiveness has been granted, and there truly isn't any resentment lingering. Every now and then, something will happen that will bring up feelings of old, familiar guilt and hurt within me. Immediately, I begin to tell myself that this person is still angry with me and really hasn't forgiven me. In reality, this is just more of my false story coming to the surface.

The way that I know that this is my story rearing its ugly head and not the reality of the situation, is that this other person did nothing out of the ordinary. We can be interacting normally, yet something inside of me changes and I start to feel overwhelmed with negative feelings. Because our stories are so ingrained in our subconscious minds, it is easy for them to sneak back in, but we must combat them by examining them for validity. Whereas in the past, I would let these feelings add to my already bloated, defeating story, I am now able to take a second look at what is transpiring, and bring myself back to a space of clarity where my story loses its power. When this happened recently, it did not take me long to see that it was my thoughts alone that were creating this place of dissatisfaction within me. Once I realized this, all was well once again. When we change our thoughts, we change our reality. I have experienced this enough times in my life to know that it is true.

In every situation you can find both positive and negative. It is very tempting to place your focus on the negative because it requires less work. Turning a negative story into a positive one takes examination and a real effort to look deeply into the truth of the situation, and not just based on what you are feeling. Emotions will keep you stuck in the negative story quicker than anything, but you must remember that emotions are just a result of your thoughts...and you are the controller of all of your thoughts. As philosopher Ernest Holmes states, "Thoughts are more than things, they are the cause of all things." It is imperative for you to understand the power of each and every one of your thoughts.

Though this may be controversial, one thing that can keep you firmly attached to your story is the practice of modern Psychology. Many people, including myself, have undergone countless hours of therapy to no avail. Though it seemed to help initially to talk out my problems, I never truly obtained any lasting relief from these sessions. Could this be because all you do in therapy is rehash your story over and over again? This will never make your life better, because the story is what is keeping you mired in misery. The only possibility of releasing yourself is 100% in your power; you do not need a therapist, you need to change your story. My only caveat is if you happen upon a therapist who understands this concept and directs you down this path, but unfortunately this has not been my experience.

Think about your own story. What do you repeatedly tell yourself that may not actually be true? As with any new endeavor, noticing the way we talk to ourselves and altering these messages is uncomfortable at first. We have conditioned ourselves to broadcast the same narratives in our own heads so unconsciously. But it is precisely facing this discomfort that eventually brings us out of the weeds, and enlightens us to an alternative world where a more positive story is occupying our minds. Motivational speaker Bill Eckstrom states this quite directly, "What makes you comfortable ruins you. Only in discomfort can you continue to grow." Just like with the old, ragged shoes, it is the discomfort that will lead you to the solution. So buy the new shoes and flood your mind with better thoughts; you will soon see that all is well in your world.